4. Dikkerby
Makes it to the Top
The Headmaster’s office
was as large as a classroom. There was an enormous desk. The swivel chair
behind it was occupied by the new Headmaster at present. He reached forward and
adjusted the pens; smallest to largest was the right order. He sat back in the
chair and spun slowly round, admiring his surroundings.
Tasteful
paintings on the walls. Wood panelling. An old school photograph in black and
white. A book-case with the right books. The two leather armchairs with their
matching settee. He sighed with deep satisfaction. He’d made it.
He leaned forward and pressed the intercom, “Julia, could
you bring me the list of new entries? Oh and a cup of tea would be lovely.” He
cut the connection. He had plans to draw up. He stood up and began to walk
around the office, hands clasped behind his back.
“I must have lots of
pupils. I will “charm” parents out of their hard-earned cash. There will be new
buildings. They will bear a plaque, a brass plaque with my name! Results will
be good, no excellent – by hook or by crook. Boys will have short hair.
Teachers will do what they’re told. I will begin as I mean to ......ah Julia! “
He took the cup of tea. His look of alarm was quickly spotted by the elderly
Julia. She wrinkled her nose.
“Is something wrong Mr Dikkerby?”
“Headmaster,
please. You will at all times address me as “Headmaster” and refer to me always
as “The Headmaster”, as in “The Headmaster will see you shortly. Is that
understood? “ She nodded. The nose wrinkling was becoming an irritation. “In
future, Julia, the tea will be Earl Grey and it will be presented in a bone
china tea-pot with a matching cup. If such articles are not already in situ
then it is your job to acquire them.”
The
poor woman looked as though she was about to wet herself.
“
What? Don’t you understand English. I don’t want a bloody mug! I want a proper
tea cup. I am “The Headmaster” ( she could see the speech marks in the air
between them) not some scruffy plumber on site. Capish?” She nodded violently.
“Now, sit down. Pad? Pen? Ready? Agenda for First Staff
Meeting. 1. Welcome. 2. Dress code. 3. Lesson Plans. 4. Extra unpaid clubs. 5.
Extra Parents’ Evenings brackets times two close brackets. 6. Reports and how
to write them with a Copperplate pen. 7. Withdrawal of break-times. 7. Early
start dash six a.m. 8. Late finish. Six thirty p. M. 9. Reduction in pay. 10.
Withdrawal of all pension contributions.”
Five minutes later Julia’s pencil broke. She was on
number 36. Dikkerby had sat down. He steepled his fingers and glared at the
secretary.
“That will do for now! Type that up. I want it on my desk
in three minutes. Dismissed!” He barked the last word. She fled. Dikkerby put
his hands behind his head and smiled broadly.
“This is going to be fun!” He said to himself.
Forty minutes later he walked into the staffroom. They
were all sitting there looking expectantly at him. He waited by his special
chair. It took a hand gesture for them all to get the message. They stood.
Quite right. Dikkerby sat down at his
papers.
The teachers nervously
and uncertainly sat down. Dikkerby had earlier had all the comfortable chairs
replaced with straight-backed wooden chairs. They’d learn soon enough. Dikkerby
was not to be trifled with.
“Good morning gentlemen (he paused) and ladies. Let us
begin!”
The
staff meeting, his first, began at 9.05 that Tuesday morning. It came to a
close at 12.24.” Dikkerby tidied his papers and stood. He had to wait only a
moment or two till all the teachers rose to their feet. His exit was accompanied
by a stunned and fearful silence.
“The Headmaster” had begun.
*
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